I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
