I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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