She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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