Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
