I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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