the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
My ATM looks so different sober.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
