hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
