I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
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Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Are we still banned from the library?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
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She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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