I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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