i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
