This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
