Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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