That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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