Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
