is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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