I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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