Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
