it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
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