We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
