I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
PANTIES FOUND
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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