tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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