How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
