When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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