My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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