just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
We left the knife in your bed.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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