I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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