Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize