Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize