wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
