from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
