He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
we should paint friendship bongs
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
