so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
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Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
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We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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