i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
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Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
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I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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