I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
