I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
