I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Too much gin, very little bucket
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
