Pappa wants mamma naked
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
