This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
