I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
