I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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