You don't have asthma, your pregnant
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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