I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Small penises have feelings too.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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