I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
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