I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
