ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
