she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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