you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
