Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
