my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
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