Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
As shirtless as possible
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You made out with two different species that night
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
