As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Randomize
