omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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