in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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