Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
this will be a night to untag.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
