please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
