Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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