All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
