look no pants
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
