So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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