Umm I'm too high to move.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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