My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
